My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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