Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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