Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
