I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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