That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
