ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
