He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
