my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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