Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize