i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
