just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
