haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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