We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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