ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
