my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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