Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
