I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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