i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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