would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
