she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
