I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
