If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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