lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
