The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
