Apparently you make a good broom.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
