ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
