puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
