Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
