Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
