bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
