capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
