Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You may now shotgun with the bride
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
