I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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