please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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