I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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