Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
