Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
