I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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