well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
