I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
