i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
