My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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