Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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