i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
