I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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