i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
