it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
