We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
