Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have peed in a lot of sinks
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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