just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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