he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
