U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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