no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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