it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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