wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
