Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
