My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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