that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
