where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
