went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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