Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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