Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
