I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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