there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
