Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
