i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
