So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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