eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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