Tell her she can't have a vagina
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
