So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
