hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
