i don't like sucking hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
