i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
