i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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