I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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