i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
