I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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